Ni Chawn Ein Dileu

Samantha Dinsdale-Brown

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The blankness of a page
Should I fill it with happiness?
Sage words ? Or fill it up with darkness?
Pen making those blank pages bleed
Rapid writing ,digging in deep
Emptying the dark well dry
Of your ever changing mood
Depth perception , introspection
weird , the way It goes .
Like the mighty pen knows
Dancing in a frenzied rhythm
Across the blankness, no more
Filled in .
Sat in a chair /pain to bear

Am I the page that is blank to you ?
Where do you see my value??
Who am I to you ? = nothingness
It feels to me , I'm right here ,
Yet you can't see ,Past the label
You gave to me !! I share and
Advocate my might . Seeing for those with no sight . Why do we
Have to try shrink ourselves for you ??
WHY ???? No I won't do what you say
Who are you ??

Where's the proof that says my art ,
My actions , my words....
Are upsetting you?? For what ???
Being me authentic, kind loving
Wanting life with autonomy.
I know that im not fab at maths
But even I can see these numbers
Do not add up ? I give you 100 percent to try to fit into your world!!
All I fucking want is to be heard!!
And understood ! BUT!!
Here again there's another "issue"
Watch your tone . You're so aggressive
No I'm not !! I'm being clear
Your ears refuse these words to hear !!

Youre own needs to get In check
In my opinion I reckon ...drop that shit
A voice that is disabled ..
please understand . Dont have a go
When you give up and get mad
My heart breaks it feels so bad .
I told you who I am and the
Challenges I face . NT games are
Far from clear!!!

Would you kick a cat who peed
In its mat ? No because its a cat
And it just does that!!!!
Well do you think you could
Love me like that too ?
Where's my love and understanding?
I give you all .and break myself
To fit in a box on the shelf
To be taken down. Played with
A token a gesture wow !! Well done you. You've done your bit !!
Awe your ego puffed
Fuck this shit !!!

I am exhausted from screaming!!
I'll keep fighting to be heard
And rest I will and more blank pages
I'll fill ....
And make my point and advocate
For all of those that have been
Crippled by your hate , and
Like a church choral choir
One voice joins another and higher
We can share our needs
I am lucky to have this burn
For more information at every turn

I will not abide by your rules !!
I will not be minimised, fuck you
I am a prize.. listen to us all
Just let us in and give acceptance
We are a blessing not a curse !!!
We cannot be cured!
No matter what you've heard !
We have so much to give --
Don't deny us the right to live
And to galvanise our communities
To give ideas out the box
To live to learn with out the blocks
And walls and compartments
That exist in our minds
It's fucking simple
Just be kind !!!

We are your greatest allies here
Disabled guy lesbian trans BLM
POC , Queer non binary and more
We stick together..and remember
In our hearts and minds to fight
To remove the stigma , brutality
Marginalisation. Treated like dogs
Training kids is so bloody wrong!!!!

Open your eyes please!!
Forget COVID ..the real disease
Is humanity!!! The rage , oppression
All against each other ,
I know we don't have the same opinions...which is fair
But surely we can all agree
We need to fill ourselves and
Others with hope a glimpse
Of the future where at least
The human economy is thriving
Sharing love and inclusion
Sure there's always going to
Be confusion ! BUT
BASIC human rights
Is that too much to ask .

We have time now to sit and reflect
To grow to learn, to connect
Find people for who they are
Access, acceptance is that too far ??
Look at your own heart .
Who does it hurt for us to be
A real part of society??
I know the answer I would give
My heart hurts for all concerned
But you are not me I know !
I am interested to see
What it is about me?
Does our being in this world
Make you feal anger?? Fear ???
These are the problem
I wish that I could solve them
But I'm scared too !! Can't you see
How your fear and anger
Has chipped away at me
My heart is racing
I cannot see
What did I say ?

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How would you know .im sure
I lost you blank pages ago .​

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#NiChawnEinDileu